Your Inner Critic Isn’t You: How to Separate from Negative Self-Talk
- Mishi Mehta
- Sep 8
- 2 min read
When most people think of self-talk, they imagine motivation, pep talks, or words of encouragement. But often, that voice inside your head sounds more like a bully than a coach. It criticizes, compares, and predicts failure. It whispers, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’re going to mess this up.”
Here’s the truth: that inner critic isn’t you. It’s a learned voice built from past experiences, fears, and unrealistic expectations. And you don’t have to believe everything it says.
The Myth of “If I Criticise Myself, I’ll Do Better”
Many of us grew up thinking self-criticism makes us stronger. That pushing ourselves harder, shaming ourselves for mistakes, or never being satisfied will somehow lead to success. However, constant criticism doesn’t build resilience, it breaks it down. It drains your confidence, increases anxiety, and makes every challenge feel heavier than it really is.
Research shows that self-compassion, not self-criticism, is what helps people grow, recover from setbacks, and perform better in the long run.
Everyday Situations Where the Inner Critic Shows Up
Your inner critic doesn’t only appear in big life moments. It shows up in small, everyday ways, like:
At work: “If I speak up, I’ll sound stupid.”
In relationships: “They probably don’t really like me.”
With your body: “I’ll never look good enough.”
When trying new things: “Why even bother? I’ll just fail.”
Your Inner Critic Isn’t the Enemy, But It’s Not the Truth
Think of the critic as a misguided protector. It tries to keep you from embarrassment, rejection, or failure by keeping you “small.” But when you start treating every thought as fact, you confuse the critic’s fear with your own identity.
How to Start Separating from Negative Self-Talk
Separating from the critic doesn’t mean ignoring it. It means seeing it for what it is: a voice, not reality. It may feel impossible to quiet the critic at first, but with practice, you can create distance from it. Here are a few gentle steps to begin:
Name it: Give the critic a nickname (“The Judge,” “The Nag”). This reminds you it’s not your core self.
Create distance: Instead of “I’m a failure,” try, “My critic is telling me I’m a failure.”
Check the evidence: Ask, “What facts support this thought? What facts go against it?”
Respond with kindness: Replace criticism with gentle truth such as “I’m learning,” “I did my best today.”
Practice mindfulness: Notice the thought without judgment - “I’m having the thought that I’m not capable.”
A Note to Self – You Are Not Your Inner Critic
Your inner critic is loud, but it isn’t your truth. It’s only one voice, shaped by old fears and patterns. The real you is the voice that wants to learn, grow, and connect with others.
Separating from the critic isn’t about silencing it completely, it’s about turning down its volume so you can hear your authentic self-more clearly.
You are not the harsh thoughts in your head. You are the one who chooses which voice to listen to.
